Tagged and snagged

OPINION: After reading all about RFID tags in CRN we spent a small fortune outfitting the shop with scanners and only slightly less buying the tags to stick on all the gear in the shop.

We didn’t make a fuss about this; after all it’s just part of good stock management these days. I can hear the sceptics out there already chortling “good stock management at Rabid? Gimme a break.”

Well alright, we did think there would be a few advantages from RFID tags other than better stock control. For starters we paid extra to get our scanners coded so they could detect the tags in the punters’ clothes as they walked in the door.

Nothing says spend time on this customer like the knowledge they’re wearing Armani or Gucci. Of course testing this system cost a lot more than we expected since nobody who works at Rabid can afford to be a fashionista.

Anyway, after we convinced Fat Tony to drop by and make us an offer we couldn’t understand – that’s what happens when your not too bright second cousin becomes a “made man” – we were ready to test the scanners on some expensive Italian suits and shoes. Who’d have thought Fat Tony would be wearing knock-offs?

Is there no honour among thieves these days? Times must be really hard when the goodfellas can’t afford the real thing. He stung us for a free laptop anyway, then stormed off muttering something about arranging a new pair of Siment shoes for his tailor. Still can’t figure how some of these Italian brands get their names.

The other big advantage with RFID is being able to immediately prove to the customer that they didn’t buy their dodgy broken computer from us, regardless of what it says on their receipts and credit card statements. Those paper-based things are so easy to fake whereas RFID tags never lie until they enter our programmable scanner with integrated warranty-detection logic.

Some customers have complained that we change our invoice stationery monthly, but that’s only because our marketing manager keeps changing our image and besides, it’s a legal requirement to put your new ABN on invoices.

Now Rabid Reseller has been snookered again, with IBM’s new RFID tags. Big Blue has invented a tag that lets you rip the antenna off the thing after you’ve bought the goods. Now, instead of being able to scan the tags from across the shop, these new tags only work when they’re a few inches from the scanner. We’ve had to hire some seriously good looking sales clerks so the punters won’t mind when they fawn all over them up close and personal until the scanner beeps. More unexpected expense.

Sure, you’re asking why we didn’t just get the teenage nephews and nieces to play grope-a-dope with a scanner hidden in their underwear but fugly genes predominate in Rabid’s immediate family. At first we did give the relatives a trial run but instead of being flattered the punters just started screaming about sexual harassment.

A few pensioners whined as well, but that was only because they missed out on the close attention reserved for the well-heeled, and really, you’d think the nephew would recognise his own mother by now.

Gotta go! Customers waiting!