Rabid reseller: Franchising the business

We've decided to decentralise and that means getting out of town and into the bush.

Those farmers need some help with their PCs and phones and we've got the expertise they need. The government is spending $500 billion to get rural and regional areas onto broadband via the NBN and Rabid will be after a slice of that action quicker than you can slam the dunny door on the outback outhouse.

That's as soon as we figure out how you use the Channel Nine TV signal to connect to the Internet. Feel free to send in your suggestions.

Anyway, there will soon be plenty of customers with fat subsidies knocking on the door of Rabid Reseller franchises all across this wide brown land.

You didn't think we were going to actually leave town ourselves did you? Heck no! Franchise is the name of the game these days. The sign in front of the shop will say "Rabid Reseller" in huge letters but the small print will say "independently owned and operated so don't go whining to head office when you get screwed."

Of course we'll support our franchise holders with a massive nationwide TV advertising campaign. We've negotiated a great deal with Austar to run our ads on their satellite TV service, which is what they all watch in the bush anyway, since they can't get Foxtel nor any Freeview TV except the ABC.

Auntie won't take our ads just yet but once the budget comes out this May those chardonnay-sipping socialists will see the light, and that light will be on the front of the privatisation express, heading straight for them.

Now Telstra says that 98 percent of the population can already use one of their NextG phones, but that leaves 400,000 people who can't get a signal. The new Rabid Radios^TM will fill in the gaps in Telstra's coverage for a measly government-subsidised $65 a month. You do the math. That's a tad over $300 milliion a year going begging. But you can't expect a big company like Telstra to be bothered chasing petty sums like that.

Our franchise stores will also be offering Bush Broadband^TM to our country cousins so they can enjoy the same level of spam email and dodgy pr0n websites that we take for granted in the city. This offering will be based on our

Rabid Relay^TM Internet access methodology, which we freely admit we stole from the National Farmers Federation.
We've struck a bit of a hitch with this new service, which we didn't expect. The trucks with the tin cans on the back need to keep constantly moving slowly away from each other to keep the string between them tight and the rapidly rising price of diesel means we're going to have to hit the government for another subsidy.

Do yourself a favour and make the move to the bush today. There are hectares of subsidies out there just waiting to be harvested.

Gotta go! Customers waiting!