Rabid 07: Doing it for the resellers

Finally it’s election time! Rabid was beginning to wonder if the government had found a way to govern forever without the inconvenience of asking anyone’s opinion. After all, it’s a popular form of government in our region. But, no, the candidates are off and running, promising lots of pork for everyone. Well, almost everyone. What do resellers get offered in all the election promises? Not much it seems.

Rabid is proud to announce that the newly formed Rabid Reseller Party will be contesting the federal election on a platform to redress the massive injustice facing resellers across the land. For starters there’s that pesky GST. Every month we have to contend with enough red tape to weave a luggage net for the SUV. We’re not suggesting scrapping the GST – under a Rabid government resellers would just keep the GST.

Think of the paperwork saved, and before you start about lost revenue, the politicians keep handing back our taxes anyway, so this would save the double handling. Instead of sending it in, we just keep it where it’s most needed – here in the community. We could once again offer genuine discounts without having to ask if the customer would prefer to forgo an invoice.

Another injustice is the shortened life expectancy of resellers. The stress of dealing with the GST, which we’ve already promised to eliminate, along with constantly being faced by people too stupid to own a computer, generates dangerous levels of stress leading to strokes and heart attacks way above the national average. A Rabid government would reduce reseller stress by allowing the discretionary beating with a large stick of any punter who asks more than one inane question per visit. Of course, the large stick would also be a tax deductible business expense.

Obviously we need some serious broadband if we’re ever going to have a hope of selling a computer to every single household. The Government nor the Opposition has gone far enough with this essential service. A Rabid government would install fibre to the nose. No, that’s not a misprint. We think the population needs broadband shoved right up their noses and into their brains. And Mr Rudd, $1500 for a PC? Puhleese. The kiddies need an A3 colour laser printer as well to be properly equipped for the 21st century.

A Rabid government would stop wasting money fighting the war on terror and would instead divert the funds to a war on politicians who keep banging on endlessly about terror. This is a far more constant and insidious threat than that posed by a bunch of fundamentalists in a far-off land. If elected to government we would make it an offence for politicians to frighten us with scary words about inflation, interest rates and the economy. Instead we would promote a peaceful and positive message of goodwill
and endless technology shopping holidays.

When it comes to the dreadful state of the nation’s roads, a Rabid government would stop wasting billions trying to repair the highways and instead fund a proper 4WD for every home. This would allow everyone to easily navigate the busted boulevardes, and generate much needed work for the nation’s used car yards, another sadly neglected sector, which Uncle Tony has reminded me needs our urgent support.

We hope these initiatives will appeal to resellers across the land, and if we all vote together as a block we can truly turn this country around and create the kind of 21st- century Mega Mall where every reseller can make a decent margin. Vote early, vote often!

Gotta go! Campaign to launch!

07 doing for it rabid resellers strategy the