Opinion: Vote one, Rabid Revival Party

Goodbye to another election! Rabid was beginning to wonder if the government had found a way to govern forever without the inconvenience of asking anyone's opinion. After all, that's a popular form of government in our Pacific region.

But, no, patience was rewarded and the candidates promised lots of pork for everyone. Well, almost everyone.

What did resellers get offered in all the election promises? Not much, it seems.

In case you missed the news, Rabid was out kissing babies for the newly formed Rabid Revival Party. The RRP contested the federal election on a platform to redress the massive injustice facing resellers across the land.

While I admit this time we had a slow start, now's the time to spread the word for the March 2011 NSW State election and build grassroots support among the channel faithful. We will present one of the best policy packages since that Joh bloke ran Queensland.

For starters there's that pesky GST. Every month we have to contend with enough red tape to weave a luggage net for the SUV. Now Rabid is not regressive. We're not suggesting scrapping the GST. No, under a Rabid Revival Government resellers would just keep the GST.

Think of the paperwork saved, and before you start bleating about lost revenue, the politicians keep handing back our taxes anyway, so this would save the double handling. Instead of sending it in, we just keep it where it's most needed, right here in the community. We could once again offer genuine discounts without having to ask if the customer was willing to forgo an invoice.

Another injustice is the shortened life expectancy of resellers. All the stress of dealing with the GST, which we've already promised to eliminate, along with constantly being faced by people too stupid to own a computer, generates dangerous levels of stress leading to strokes and heart attacks way above the national average.

A Rabid Revival Government would reduce reseller stress by allowing the discretionary beating with a large stick of any punter who asks more than one inane question per visit. Of course the large stick would also be a tax-deductible business expense.

Obviously we need some serious broadband if we're ever going to have a hope of selling a computer to every single household. Neither the government nor the opposition has gone far enough with this essential service.

A Rabid Revival Government would install fibre to the nose. No that wasn't a misprint. We think the population needs broadband shoved right up their noses and into their brains. And Ms Gillard, just $1500 tax break for a school PC? Puhleese. The kiddies also need an A3 colour laser printer at home if they're going to be properly equipped for the 21st century.

A Rabid Revival Government would stop wasting money fighting the war on terror and would instead divert the funds to a war on politicians who keep banging on endlessly about terror. This is a far more constant and insidious threat than that posed by a bunch of fundamentalists in a far-off land.

If elected to government we would make it an offence for politicians to frighten the electorate with scary words about inflation and interest rates and the economy. Instead we would promote a peaceful and positive message of goodwill and endless technology shopping holidays.

Now when it comes to the dreadful state of the nation's roads, Rabid has a plan. A Rabid Revival Government would stop wasting billions trying to repair the highways and would instead fund a proper 4WD for every home.

This would allow everyone to easily navigate the busted boulevards and would generate much needed work for the nation's used car yards, another sadly neglected sector, which Uncle Godwin has firmly reminded me needs our urgent support.

We hope these initiatives will appeal to resellers across the land, and if we all vote together as a block we can truly turn this country around and create the kind of 21st century mega-mall where every reseller can make a decent margin.

Vote early, vote often!
Gotta go! Campaign to manage!