MyopiaSpace

WE’VE JUST DISCOVERED a great new online phenomenon called social networking. Alright, so it isn’t all that new, but we’re busy trying to make a buck, so we leave the exploring to the nephew. He checks things out online and lets us know what’s hot and what’s not. The problem is, this social networking is so addictive he hasn’t come out of his cubby hole for months, so we had no idea what we were missing. But now we’ve wised-up, we’re online too and we’re so into it we’ve even missed a few sales!

Nephew Sk8er Boi showed us how to get into the right social network, which we admit had us fazed at first. We had no idea there was more than one. We uploaded some flattering photos, filled in the personal details with only a hint of artistic licence, and waited for the invitations. After only four weeks we had exactly zero friends. This isn’t how it was supposed to work. Time to get proactive and invite others to be our friends. Let’s see now, who should we invite? Let’s go straight to the top and invite the Prime Minister to be Rabid’s online friend.

Okay, so the PM isn’t into social networking, and he suggested we chat with Shrek instead. We know the PM is busy running the country and all that, but surely he’s noticed that Shrek is a cartoon character? Oh! He was talking about one of his ministers! Bet that guy regrets putting on those ears now! Righto, so now we’ve invited Shrek. Might as well invite that nice Mr Rudd while we’re clicking. And maybe a few lesser-known types. Click. Click. We shouldn’t have to wait too long now. What? How can they say “don’t even know this person”? Surely everyone knows Rabid. Say what? Sk8er Boi says that’s the real problem, they do know Rabid.

This is no good. No online friends. Even the nephew has deleted our link. Harrumph! Why does anyone bother with this nonsense? It’s not like it makes any money. Uncle Rupert paid how much? Whoa! He’s not one to waste his wad on something that doesn’t make a profit. Rabid has been approaching this from the wrong end of the network. What’s required here is a special social network for resellers, operated of course, by Rabid, for a very modest profit. Let’s see if the RabidRoom domain is available. Perfect. Who needs friends when you’ve got paying customers?

Lots and lots of losers, er users, have registered on RabidRooms and they’re all swapping stories and photos and phone numbers and … hey, wait a minute. That’s not what this site is for — that’s disgusting. They’re trading stuff online! Without paying Rabid a commission! This has got to stop. We’ve got RabidBay for that sort of thing. Couple of adjustments, click, click. That will stop them. This is for socialising, not doing deals. Has nobody got any principles these days?

Well, that wasn’t supposed to be a rhetorical question but apparently it was, since everybody deserted RabidRooms after we stopped them from trading. We suppose it was only to be expected of a bunch of resellers. But you’d think they’d save their selling skills for the real punters. Perhaps we shouldn’t have made everybody use a sheep for their avatar.
Gotta go! Customers to fleece!

“Who needs friends when you’ve got paying customers?”

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