What's all this palaver about a world economic crisis?

Ten billion dollars!

The government is handing out 10 billion dollars!

Woohoo!

There’s gotta be a way for a reseller to join this party!

After all, the announcement said the money was being handed out so we could spend it, and hello, here’s the shop so come and spend it! But will they spend it?

We bet they won’t – they’ll stuff it under their mattresses until the price of BHP shares drops below a dollar.

We need a much better plan than just handing out money at random to pensioners and parents.

Rabid Reseller would like to propose a new fiscal stimulus plan to be called the Rabid Rescue.

Under our proposal, the $10 billion would be given to IT resellers, and the great unwashed, er, consumers, would be given vouchers to spend at their local IT reseller.

This would ensure that the money goes into circulation, via the truly needy reseller community, and the whole country would benefit from a huge increase
in the use of technology.

For an outlay of $10 billion we could probably expect a laptop in every room of the house, regardless of the number of occupants.

This would also increase the pressure on Telstra to build that damn fibre network pretty quick, when all those laptops start hitting the wires looking for automatic updates on Patch Tuesday.

With more computers per head of population than anywhere else, we could confidently expect Microsoft to relocate from Redmond to Richmond and Apple would probably follow suit moving from Cupertino to Coober Pedy.

As the new technology hub of the world, Australia would be calling the shots, instead of those reckless merchant bankers over there, and we’d be telling the world how to run things properly, as only Aussies truly know how to do.

For starters, we’d put the Australian cricket team in charge of the World Bank, and anybody who wants a loan would have to beat them in a one-day limited-over match.

That should keep the funds safe for a few decades at least.

The IMF would be placed under the control of our Senate – nothing gets through that place no matter what.

Being the centre of everything worldwide would also mean we’d be running the United Nations, and any fool country which wants to start a war would be required to do so by way of competing on Australian Idol.

They put their best crooners up against the other side’s best crooners and winner takes all.

The losing side would at least have good music to listen to while contemplating the error of their warring ways.

Of course, a rematch would be allowed, on pay-per-view only.

Purely to help fund the war effort you understand.

All religions would be declared null and void, unless they involved a very strong sporting content, but alas, lions and gladiators wouldn’t count as sport in the new world order.

However, the Apocryphal Church of Synchronised Swimming and Formation Drowning could confidently expect government funding and would enjoy tax-free status.

Well gotta go!

There’s a rescue to be organised!

a about all crisis economic finance palaver this whats world