Opinion: Patchwork pain

Maybe it's because I'm still using this old steam-powered WinXP banger downstairs.

I haven't noticed it as much on the Vista boxes, but Apple seems to be competing well, making the Macs almost as repetitively updatable.

I guess I should upgrade this PC to Vista, but I don't use it that much except when the weather warms up since it's cooler downstairs than upstairs.

But lately, the weather has actually been behaving like it's October, and every time I switch this thing on, there's that little icon down there looking like Sir Lancelot's shield.

I could live with the updates if it wasn't for the loony restart requests that seem to accompany proceedings. I don't want to restart now. I only just switched the thing on! And it's Windows XP.

Just how many cups of coffee do you expect me to swallow while I'm waiting for the umpteenth restart?

I could probably also live with the updates more easily if they renamed them.

You know, something scary to make me think I'd better stop whining and press OK.

There's nothing in the names of most of these obscure updates to make you think they're worth the bother.

In fact there's nothing in the names of most of the updates that gives you any clue at all what they're about to do, and why you should let them.

But, if an update was named "Protection patch against megadeath marauding malevolent monsters" then maybe I'd be more inclined to make another coffee while the good folk at Microsoft install the latest defences.

And it's not as if there's any point choosing "restart later".

Microsoft's concept of "later" is pretty much the same as that of a five-year-old. "Can we go to the beach daddy?" Later. "Can we go to the beach daddy?" You asked me that just one minute ago and I said, later. "Can we go to the beach yet daddy?" Look. I said LATER. "Can we go NOW daddy?" LOOK! Well, yeah, okay, we might as well.

This stupid PC needs to reboot another twelve times so I'm not getting anything done sitting here anyway. "Why is the PC stupid daddy?" You're too young to understand.