Rabid Reseller: Nuclear winter

Rabid Reseller is always on the lookout for new entrepreneurial opportunities. We just don’t believe in sitting still and waiting for business to walk in the front door. We used to believe in that, but nobody came in the front door. We tried getting the nephew to do a spot of spruiking outside, but then the only people who came through the door wanted to complain about his spruiking. Mostly they wanted to know why the insides of the shop bore no resemblance to the visions of splendour promised by our spruiking nephew. At least he got a better job using the same skills late at night in Kings Cross.

The other day, while we were sitting waiting for business to walk in the front door, the paper boy delivered the morning newspaper, and there it was – a stunning business opportunity staring us in the face. The government is desperately seeking storage space. This is a tad confusing since the Prime Minister already has his own Storage World chain – there’s one right across the road. Never mind, the media says he’s looking for more storage and some dudes up in Arnhem Land just collected $12 million for finding some space in their cupboards for his needs.

Now Rabid has got all manner of storage space filled with useless junk, otherwise known around here as stock, but if somebody wants us to turf the lot into the nearest skip, for a paltry $10 million we’re ready, willing and able to do our bit for our country. Look, this storage game is competitive so we’ve got to come in a bit below the offer from the other guys, and we’re not here to argue about a couple of million bucks when the future of our country is at stake. All we have to do is make the offer and wait for our storage facility to be certified, and then it’s off to Bermuda again!

It was actually the nephew who first spotted the flaw in our latest scam, er scheme. Apparently, the stuff they want to store glows in the dark. Well, hey, it saves on power bills and that’s good for the economy and the climate. But it seems nobody can visit the place for a few thousand years after the delivery arrives. Well, we weren’t planning to be around for anywhere near that long. Now it seems nobody can visit the entire suburb for a few thousand years. That’s a tad inconvenient to say the least. They also want to bury the stuff deep underground, but we didn’t include the basement in our storage proposal, so that’s a sticking point.

It’s all very well to demand a total handover, and we suppose they’re entitled if we get the $10 million we asked for, but we really were hoping to hang on to the basement.

We had it built back in the 1950s so there’s a sentimental attachment. And it’s the only place around here designed to withstand nuclear radiation. Does the government want us to expose ourselves to undue risk from terrorists? We think not. Mind you, we must ask those blokes in Arnhem Land where they’re going to live if they get their storage approval. Maybe they’d like to rent a basement at a good price.

“Apparently the stuff they want to store glows in the dark.”

Gotta go! Customers waiting!

finance nuclear winter