Please, Sam, don't play it again

A few years ago, I complained that 'whoever it was who first said video games have “plots” has a lot to answer for'. At the time, my wrath was focused on Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy, films that had been 'adapted' from video games. Both played like video games, and neither had a plot worth spit.

Video games have stories -- characters are placed in a particular scenario, and they have a goal they must achieve. On the way to their goal, they encounter obstacles, which must be overcome.

Simple enough, and certainly enjoyable in a game. But it's not a plot. Pac-Man had a story, but do you reckon you could watch that for two hours?

My lament here is that, in an apparent effort to enhance the 'synergy' between video games and movies, Hollywood has lowered the bar on plot. Stories so stupid and linear they would once have been unreleasable are now marketed as blockbusters, thanks to the ease with which they can be adapted to video games. It goes both ways, you see.

The Hulk and The Matrix Reloaded both feature copious use of computer graphics to achieve visual effects that are impossible or extremely expensive to achieve with stunt people and makeup.

The CG Hulk in Ang Lee's movie is much more impressive physically than the spray-painted bodybuilder from the TV series and the scene of a CG Keanu fighting off a hundred or more CG Hugo Weavings is emblematic of the striking visuals in The Matrix.

But neither of them looks the least bit real. In both cases, the CG seems not to be aiming for realism, but merely for the audience to remark on how good the CG is. Why? Because then when they play the video game they'll remark on how like the movie it is. The zenith of this cynicism is in The Matrix Reloaded, when certain scenes and characters simply trail off to nothingness: the only way to find out what happens is to continue the 'plot' in the video game.

It's like those kids cartoons, such as Pokemon, or (going back a bit) Transformers, or He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. The animation is awful, and nothing moves but the characters' mouths and the sponsors' products.

The Hulk is a particular offender in this regard, as one cool toy after another is paraded out, generally for no good reason other than for the big green blob to have something to smash.

The ultimate synergy would be for the video game to also feature the cool toys, but (taking advantage of the interactive nature of the medium) allowing players to link to their local online retailer and hand over their credit card number. You smash it, you buy it.

Not likely? Too far-fetched? Think about this: when the latest Charlie's Angels movie (a sequel to a remake -- the nadir of creativity) is released on DVD in the US, viewers will be able to 'shop' scenes of the movie. Taking product placement to new heights, you'll be able to click on selected items in certain scenes and buy the clothes, accessories and other goodies online. I can imagine myself now, dressed just like Cameron Diaz. Forget I said that.

This represents a whole new avenue for marketing. Ever seen a computer in a movie? Ever heard a character technobabble about their wireless network? You should be getting into that action. Start forming partnerships with local filmmakers and DVD distributors now, before everyone else realises the opportunity's there. It's a brave new world. It'll make some awful movies though.

Matthew J.C. Powell can usually be reached on mjcp@optushome.com.au.