Promises, promises

For the benefit of those readers outside NSW who may not be aware, the ‘Premier State’ is going to the polls on the 24 March. And for anyone inside NSW who may have nodded off from the sheer tedium of it, there’s an election on, but don’t worry, it will be over soon.

Rarely in the history of democracy have two such resolutely featureless candidates offered themselves up as potential leaders. It’s like asking to see the dessert trolley, and all they’ve got is blancmange. Little wonder the campaign has hardly fired up the imaginations of voters.

However, at the uncannily similar time of 23 March, Sony is finally releasing the long-delayed and much-hyped PlayStation 3 to the Australian market. This happy confluence can hardly be coincidental.

Here’s how we spice things up: my vote goes to the first candidate who promises a PlayStation 3 to every household in NSW. This may sound expensive and pointless, but hear me out.

There are about 2.2 million households in NSW. So at $999.99 per PS3, my plan would cost about $2.2 billion (though I’m sure a bulk discount could be negotiated) – a drop in the ocean. Look at what either party has promised so far this campaign, and 2.2 billion bucks is dwarfed.

Yes, some stuff may have to be sacrificed. One of the parties (I don’t remember which) wants to spend about 1.9 billion of my hard-earned on a desalination plant to solve Sydney’s water crisis. Forget it. Give every household a PS3, and you’ll immediately solve the problem. People will stop taking showers and start drinking Coca-Cola instead of precious water – done.

And one party (again, I kind of tuned out of the details) has committed nearly a billion clams to ‘early intervention’ programs and other initiatives to fight youth crime. No need. Give every household a PS3 and the youth will never go outside. Done. (The remainder of the funding comes from ditching that party’s water plan – see above for proof of redundancy – which involves something about drinking pee-pee. Eewwww.)

My plan would also halt the ‘brain drain’ of educated people leaving NSW’s workforce for other states or even overseas. If you’re too dumb to want a free PS3, we don’t want you anyway.

Sony itself seems to have seen the potential for this plan, with the announcement of ‘PlayStation Home’, a virtual environment described as a hybrid of Second Life, MySpace and YouTube.

In PS Home you have an avatar, and you live in a virtual community of other avatars, interacting in virtual cinemas, virtual bowling alleys, virtual shops and virtual restaurants, exchanging photos, movies, music and other merchandise in a kind of free-market nirvana where you have all you need, there is no crime or violence and neither schools nor hospitals are required.

It’s the perfect world, and none of it is real. Just like election promises.
Matthew JC Powell is pretty happy with his PS2. Bribes should go to mjcp@optusnet.com.au

matthew powell playstation 3 training & development