Powell: The battle for his personal information

The phone rings. I pick it up, and - despite the fact that the number is "blocked" - I hit "accept" anyway. You never know, could be the Lotteries office having made a clerical error of some sort and declaring me the winner of Powerball even though I don't have a ticket. It could happen.

"Hello is that Matthew Powell?" asks the person at the other end. "Yes," I reply - I might as well be honest about it, right?

"It's Bob* from Pestwhack** Mr Powell, calling about your personal banking with us today." Damn. Not Powerball then.

"Oh, hello," I reply, trying to disguise my disappointment.

"Could I start with the first letter of your mother's maiden name, Mr Powell?" 

"Could you start what exactly with the first letter of my mother's maiden name? It's a D, so I suppose you could start Denmark with it, or Dinner, or Dog, or Deoxyribonucleic acid."

"That's fine Mister Powell, and what is your date of birth?"

"Why do you want to know that?"

"For security reasons."

"But you phoned me. I didn't phone you. You must know who I am. I don't know who you are."

"We need you to prove your identity before we can talk about your personal banking with us today sir." (What's with the "today" business, just incidentally? The chances that this phone call is taking place on any day other than "today" are surely in the realm of science fiction?)

"But you called my mobile phone number, and I identified myself as the owner of this phone. You're the one who should have to prove your identity before I go handing out personal information like my date of birth. You could be some identity thief."

"But you might not be the owner of the mobile phone."

"So let me get this straight. You called my mobile phone, and you suspect that you might be speaking to someone who has stolen my phone but left the SIM in, and who is prepared to identify himself falsely as me, and who also happens to know the first letter of my mother's maiden name.

You suspect that this person intends to defraud me by getting personal banking information from you. Is that right?"

There is a pause.

"I suppose that's right, sir."

"How would that person know my bank was going to call? It doesn't seem like a very good plan."
"If you would like sir, I could give you a phone number so that you can call me."

"And that would prove what? That you have a phone? I know that already because you called me. You'll have to do better than that. How about you tell me my date of birth?"

"I can't do that, sir."

"Why not?"

"Because it's private information."

"But you expect me to hand it out to anyone who phones me up?

How private can it be?"

"If you don't give me your date of birth, sir, we can't continue with this call."

"Okeydoke".

And with that, I hit the "End Call" button. If it's important enough I'm sure they'll call back, hopefully with some way of proving who they are.

* Not his real name, ** Not the bank's real name.

Matthew JC. Powell was not born yesterday. Reminisce about olde times on mjcp@me.com

The above conversation actually took place. Some names were changed to protect the stupid.