Celine Dion is not your friend

COMMENTARY: In the pantheon of egg-on-face incidents embarrassing to major technology corporations, Sony/BMG’s copy-protection fiasco has to rate as muchos huevos rancheros.

First the copy-protection scheme installed software without permission that, unbeknownst to users, restricted the behaviour of systems. Then it installed cloaking software that hid the first software. Then it emerged that attempting to remove the first software could disable users’ computers.

The extent of damage was directly proportional to the skill used in attempting to remove it (not inversely — the more you knew what you were doing, the more damage you would do).

As if that wasn’t enough, virus writers (bless ’em) started writing malware that used Sony’s cloaking software to hide their mischief.

One report claimed that this hiding place, distributed by Sony, had opened up security holes on some hundreds of thousands of major, sensitive computer networks worldwide — including military and government sites.

Thus embarrassed, Sony then offered a solution — fill in a web form, and we’ll send you software that fixes the problem. Great, except that filling in the form authorised not just Sony, but indeed any web site, to download and install software on users’ systems, thus creating more security holes. Plus, by filling out the form, you authorise Sony to distribute your email address to its various marketing partners. You don’t want our malware, eat our spam.

At this point I’m trying to think of a way that Sony could have made this situation even worse. I can’t. Perhaps if the software also flashed subliminal messages on screen that encouraged children to smoke or something.

One aspect of this whole fiasco (and it must be called a fiasco — I would definitely rate it higher than a brouhaha, though I’m not sure it ranks as an imbroglio because the government hasn’t got involved yet) that has been shamefully overlooked is the element of personal responsibility.

Sony has not posted a list anywhere of all the CDs affected by the evil software (it’s announced a recall, but won’t say which CDs it’s recalling — great way to avoid too many payouts, that).

So we’re left to rely on third parties such as the ever-vigilant Electronic Frontiers Foundation, which has posted a partial list of infected CDs on its site at www.eff.org.

The list tells an interesting tale: albums with names like ‘Healthy In Paranoid Times’, ‘Get Right With The Man’ ‘Nothing Is Sound’, ‘The Invisible Invasion’, ‘Phantoms’ ‘Suspicious Activity’ and ‘The Dead 60s’ (think about it) are all among the ones Sony chose to deliver its nefarious payload.

Now, I ask you: do these not sound like warning labels? Do these not scream out ‘bad things will happen if you buy this CD’? Add to the list CDs by Neil Diamond and Celine Dion, and you have to say to the affected customers, ‘what did you think was going to happen’?

Surely when you hand over your money for a work by Celine Dion, you don’t expect anything good? They play her stuff on the radio all the time (not on stations I listen to, I hasten to add) so it’s not like you don’t know what you’re getting into.

Now, before you get all outraged, I’m not saying that the entire Celine Dion fan club deserves to have his computer destroyed. I’m just saying fair warning was given. Ever since she got an Oscar for that — for want of a better word — ‘song’ in Titanic, I’ve suspected Ms. Dion was in league with dark forces, and this copy-protection thing only serves to confirm my fears.

The EFF has posted instructions on its site to help people identify the affected CDs, including looking for a ‘Content Protected’ logo and a URL containing ‘cp.sonybmg.com/xcp’ on the back. My advice to you would be also to have a good long hard look at what the CD you’re buying says on the front.

Matthew JC. Powell is more of a 60s pop fan. Share musical tastes on mjcp@optusnet.com.au.