Top 10 annoying technologies

5. Vista

Iain Thomson: is annoying for a number of reasons.

Firstly it got my goat because it took so long. Bill Gates was originally talking about it coming out in 2004 but the deadline kept faster than the Elephant Man’s blind date.

Then there was the actual software itself. At first this was billed as a ground up rewrite of Windows, with security built in from scratch. As the deadlines whistled past more and more was cut out of the operating system until we were left with a tinkered version of XP with a flashy, and resource-hungry, GUI.

As the deadline for launch was finally set January 2007 hardware manufacturers kicked up a stink, pointing out that this would leave them with stock on the shelves as no-one would buy during the important Christmas season. So Microsoft came up with the Vista Capable sticker for hardware that could apparently run the new operating system. In fact, some machines barely could and Microsoft is now in the trying to sort that little mess out.

When it finally did come out, and in spite of the long delays, device drivers weren’t ready. So you had a spiffy new operating system that refused to recognise your add-ons. It also had the annoying habit of producing more pop-up windows saying “Are you sure” than any previous operating system.

So, all-in-all, quite annoying.

Shaun Nichols: Perhaps Vista gets a bit of a bad rap. These days, if you buy a decent new system with Vista pre-installed, it runs just fine. Unfortunately, the software had built up such a huge reservoir of bad sentiment that people were afraid to use it just based on reputation.

This lead to the yet another Vista annoyance; the commercials. That Microsoft now admits the only way people will use Vista is if they are tricked into it is both a little sad and kind of irritating, considering all the hype and promises that surrounded its release.

4. Microsoft Office assistant

Shaun Nichols: Many people don't like someone looking over their shoulder while they work, others get irritated when backseat drivers try to tell them what to do. The Office Assistant combined both of these irritating traits with a dose of annoying cartoon characters thrown in.

Just in premise, the idea of a talking paper clip that watches what you do and tries to correct or re-format your work is more than a bit irritating and even slightly creepy. In practice, it's all those things and more.

"Clippy" has taken his place amongst the upper-echelon of a very formidable pack of irritating Microsoft products. Thankfully, he was removed from the latest version of Office.

Iain Thomson: I attended the launch of Office XP in Seattle and remember well the moment when the opening speaker was finishing his presentation and said “Oh, and we’re turning off the Office Assistant as a default.” The ensuing whoops and cheers were unmatched at any point in the day, much to Microsoft’s annoyance.

On the face of it Clippy sounded like quite a good idea. Who doesn’t like help and I’m sure the originator, who has never dared reveal his or her identity, was inspired by the best of motives. Science fiction is littered with computer helpers to humans, so why not put one in Office?

They should have known better to be honest, for Clippy was basically Microsoft Bob all over again. Bob, designed by the current Mrs Gates, is considered by many to be the company’s Edsel.

Clippy had the annoying habit of popping up when you least wanted him, getting it wrong most of the time and has rightly been extensively parodied. Personally I’d have ranked him higher than this.

3. Are you sure?

Iain Thomson: In the good old days of DOS computing, when command lines was the only control you needed, erasing data was simple. You told the computer to erase something and then it did so. If you made a mistake then you learnt the hard way not to do it again.

But with the introduction of the graphical user interface (GUI) all that changed. Now, if you try to do almost anything the computer starts second-guessing you. Am I sure I want to delete that file? Well let’s see, I highlighted it and pressed the delete key – that’s a pretty clear indication that I wanted the thing off my computer.

As operating systems have moved on there are more and more of these annoying little prompts. Are you sure you want to close a multiple tabbed browser window, do you want to save your password, shouldn’t you save that document before closing it. It’s like the computer has suddenly morphed into the grandparent you love to hate.

People have got to learn to take responsibility for their own lives and this goes double with computers. Accidentally deleted your presentation? Then tough – you’re a moron and the only way you’re going to learn not to do it is by experience.

Shaun Nichols: Part of expanding the appeal of computers is simplifying and adding protections for normal users. Often these extra precautions will become a hindrance to more advanced users who simply want to get things done.

An option to disable the "are you sure" dialogs would have been a very welcome addition. These days, extensive backups and widespread use of the "undo " command provide ample insurance for most tasks. Time to retire the "are you sure" precaution once and for all.

2. Voice recognition systems

Shaun Nichols: What starts with "account" and ends with "go **** yourself"? That's right, a call to your bank's automated call system. Voice recognition was designed to be a replacement to the old "press one for…" system which was highly irritating in its own right.

The problem was that most systems don't really account for things like accents or different pronunciations, meaning that unless you talk like the guy from movie phone, you're in trouble. If you're calling a system in a foreign country it becomes almost comedic (listening to my former Dutch boss check airline reservations was a favourite pastime.)

Only now are prototype voice recognition systems that account for these things being developed, meaning we should have at least a few more years of having to repeat the word "reception" over and over again.

Iain Thomson: When the first voice recognition systems for the PC came out I was sold instantly, it’s what I’d always wanted. No more aching fingertips from hammering a keyboard and you’d be able to tell the computer what to do just like the movies.

Sadly the promise wasn’t fulfilled. The early software slowed your machine to a crawl, later systems weren’t much better and the software takes ages to get used to your voice. It also throws a strop and refuses to work if you get a cold. When I got a press release from Lernout & Hauspie claiming their system could be trained in a few minutes it got filed straight in the circular filing cabinet.

Things may have improved slightly nowadays but basic problems still remain. The software is incredibly poor at recognizing names and useless with companies. In the end you spend so much time editing documents you might as well have just typed it in right first time.

1. Pop-up ads

Shaun Nichols: Sometime in the roaring 90's, some enterprising advertising mind thought it would be a good idea to use pop-up browser windows to display advertisements. I like to think that there is a special spot reserved in Hell for that person, right next to the cast of "Friends".

The pop up ad has become perhaps the most annoying single thing on the internet. Even worse, the things can actually cause browser crashes and result in identity theft and malware installations.

The business of stopping pop-ups has become quite serious, as pretty much every recent browser release has installed some sort of pop-up blocking feature. That doesn't stop advertisers from continuing to use them, however.

Iain Thomson: Occasionally, in the depths of the night when sleep won’t come and the house is quiet, I have a dark fantasy about getting the inventors of spam, pop-ups and viruses together in a room. As this is a family web site I won’t continue but suffice it to say that a sandblaster, a vat of industrial strength rubbing alcohol and a truck-load of enraged echidnas are involved.

Pop-ups were an easy winner when we were drawing up the list. They have to be the most annoying form of advertising known to man, worse even than Mormons knocking on the door at 8am on a hung-over Sunday morning. If I see a pop-up I make a mental note never to buy that company’s products, which is why I have yet to get a Netflix account.

But the advertising industry loves them. After all, the name of the game in advertising is getting in your face and when it comes to reaching internet users then that’s exactly what they do. Block them, boycott them, do whatever you can to destroy this scourge of internet use.

Honourable Mention - SMS

Iain Thomson: Of all the data services available on a phone SMS is still the most popular, and one of the most annoying.

Why is it annoying? Because it’s unstoppable – the minute you turn on your phone the message pops up. If you’re trying to avoid someone then there’s no recourse, short of saying you’ve lost your phone.

It has also led to SMS speak, a bastardised polyglot of emoticons and phonetic language that is more trouble than it’s worth. I showed my mother how to SMS and have regretted it ever since. In order to be ‘down with the kids’ she’s invented her own form of text speak. If I had a cent for every time I’ve got a message and had to call my sister to ask what on earth Mum was saying I could afford that Caribbean island with the nuclear rocket launch pad I’ve always wanted.

Now the phone companies didn’t invent SMS, it was an engineering function left on phones that people learned to use without prompting. So to make up for that the phone operators MMS. Now you get annoying messages with tacky photos attached; double the annoyance – and I know of at least one couple who have broken up thanks to an ill-advised picture being sent.

Shaun Nichols: SMS gets my nod simply for what it has done to the English language. It seems that these days, pretty much anyone under the age of 23 is incapable of actually typing out such basic things as "you" "are" and "thank you." And it is not just in SMS conversation, text speak has infiltrated e-mails, blog postings, and even formal papers.

Honourable mention - The emoticon

Shaun Nichols: Emoticons didn't quite make our list because they're not really a technological advance so much as a cultural plague.

The idea started out well enough; a practical way to convey tones that did not translate to text communications, such as sarcasm or teasing. Unfortunately, all it turned into was an easy way to identify annoying people.

Iain Thomson: OK, hand on my heart I have to say I use the odd smiley face once in a blue moon. Because email is slightly tricky when it comes to sarcasm then the occasional smiley face can be the difference between a good chuckle and causing mortal offence.

That said they are to be used sparingly. If you get an email loaded with the things you know you’re either dealing with someone who’s just learned about them or an individual who, back in the days of writing, would dot their ‘i’s with little hearts.